Relationship Advice – part 2

Last week we were talking relationships and how to make relationships work. Which is kind of ironic since I’m not in one… that said, take this with a grain of salt.

I dove in with my opinion – For what it’s worth – and shared my thoughts on the first half or so of the list… Ok, so it wasn’t 1/2 exactly… but it was a good breaking point…

To refresh your memory – the whole thing started with this image I found over at  Positive Inspirational Quotes

So let’s pick up where we left off m’kay? Oh!  and if you missed it, head on back over to read my thoughts on #1-6

(7) Never Say it’s ok if it’s not
(8) Forget about pride
(9) If you say “sorry” mean it.

These three again go back to being impeccable with your word.  Ego, Pride, these can be huge obstacles in an open and honest relationship.  Part of being in a committed relationship means being vulnerable… and trusting that your partner won’t take advantage. If you can’t trust your partner to be vulnerable with, why are you in the relationship to begin with?

(10) Don’t talk about your ‘stupid ex’s’
(11) Don’t compare your past to your present.

These two go back to being fully present. Not comparing your current paramour to anyone from your past is a small part of this. When you compare your present to your past, you assume that reactions to events will be the same. Unfortunately, you are not allowing your partner to prove those ideas to be false. You are not honoring your partner and giving them the freedom to react differently.

(12) Give and take process

Some might say that a relationship should be 50/50. I disagree to some extent. If each party is giving only 50% of what they have to give, both parties may be left wanting. I prefer to give 100% of what I can give, so long as the other party is doing the same. Does this mean that you become a door mat? Concerned only with what your partner wants? NO! Notice I said 100% OF WHAT I HAVE TO GIVE. Take care of yourself first, because if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of others. There’s a reason why flight attendants tell you to secure your oxygen mask before assisting others.

(13) Be aware of his/her feelings

Being present kinda means being aware of another persons feelings to me. I’m an emotional person. This comes naturally for me. Someone once told me that women fall into 2 categories – Mothers and Martyrs – and while I’m not going to debate the validity of that statement, if it were true, I definitely fall into the “mother” category. I’m a fixer. I want everyone to be happy all the time…. not always possible.

(14) When you have a fight, don’t let the day pass without being fine.

I don’t think this means to never go to bed angry… it means to honor where you are… honor where your partner is.  Something piss you off?  Be ok with knowing that you are pissed off.  Be ok knowing and trusting that you and your partner will resolve whatever conflict is in your path.  Don’t end the day with worry and fear that your feelings aren’t valid.  That only leads to resentment.

(15) Don’t be the perfect one, be the right one.

This is a hard one for many.  We read words like “Perfect” and “right” and we attach judgement to these words.  We (ok, I) interpret them in such a way that we feel egoic about being right… but what if we looked deeper?  What if we read those words to be that to be the “Perfect one” means that you never make a mistake.  You never own your faults.  You never admit when you are wrong….

What if we read that to be the “right one” means that when you are wrong you say you are wrong. You do the right thing by your partner.  You aim to always do the right things.

Now all of a sudden that point has a whole new meaning doesn’t it?

So, now we’ve made it through the list.  Do you think any were missed?  What are your thoughts on the whole thing? What’s missing in your mind?  I’d love to know so share with me in the comments below.

photo credit: flickr