Because… Goats.

I don’t know if this is something all women (and maybe the dudes too?) face, but I know that I get all kinds of chat requests and friend requests from people in far off lands.  I usually ignore these requests because… well keeping up with all of YOU GUYS keeps me busy enough…

But I have on occasion wondered what it would be like to just play along… but I never do…

Apparently that’s what I have friends for though.

You see, what had happened was….

I was perusing the book of faces… minding my own business (well, technically y’all’s business but you put it out there) when I saw this post from a new friend – She’s awesome and funny and fantastic – check her out over at Wild -Heirs

Since I am a big fan of shenanigans, I couldn’t WAIT to see what was in store.  

and rather than muddy the waters with my own commentary, I begged asked my friend if I could share this with all of you and she graciously sent me all of the glorious shenanigans.  She’s awesome like that.

It all started when she got a chat request from a stranger: (for clarity, her words are pink and his are in blue because sometimes gender stereotypes can be useful – my commentary is in black…and I left all the misspellings and whatnot.  This was very difficult NOT to edit.  You’re welcome)

I just went through your profile , i would like to know more about 
you if only you don’t mind. can i have your email for a chat, so 
that we can chat and know more about each other?

Good afternoon, Marc. May I ask how we know one another?

This seems like a reasonable question.  I mean after all, he’s asking for her email and can’t be bothered with proper case for the word I.  How hard is it really?

I don’t know you; I was searching for an old friend, wheni stumbled on your profile. I got entangled in thatwonderful
smile, couldn’t stop myself from saying hello. Please always wear
that smile.

That’s a very kind thing to say. Thank you. I’m a little nervous about giving my email address out.

For the record – she DOES have an amazingly infectious smile.  She’s awesome like that.

We can still chat here on face book if you dont mind

Sure. Thank you.

So what do you do?

I am divorced with no kid. I am a british Germany working as an
Operator Manager with a Cargo Shipping Company in UK , The nature
of my job makes me travel usually once a week, so I try to travel
as much as I can.

Then how do you explain Chicago and Australia on your profile?

There is much wrong with this… You lead with your marital status?  Second, what’s a British Germany?  A British German I’d get but…

my mum is from Chicago

How long have you been in Germany?

Fours to five years

Do you like cats?

Or dogs?

Ok, at this point I would likely have just given up.  Dude – you messaged me.  I shouldn’t have to carry the whole conversation here… but my friend?  She sticks it out and this is where it starts to get funny to me… and I’m well aware that I have a … different sense of humor so…

i like dogs

I prefer cats. I have several out in the barn.

i will like to know more about you

Well, you know I smile, you know I like cats, and that I have several of them on my farm property.

What else would you like to know?

where are you from ?

New Zealand, but I’m living in Iowa.

Your family still there in New Zealand


No. They’re in a different country.

so what are you doing for living ?

I’m a performance artist.

really that great

I’m not great, not really. I just started.

Before that, I was a waitress.

you met be the manager some day dont you know that

I got fired from waitressing. I won’t be the manager there.

Not until the court case is over.

life is all about stage by stage

You’re pretty smart.


are you there?


are you at work ?

Yeah. I get to choose my own hours, but I thought I’d make some extra money this afternoon.

so you working for extra hours right

Right now, I’m standing in front of the local elementary school singing “Brick in the Wall”. Later, I’ll go stand in front of the county bomb disposal unit’s headquarters and sing “Cherry Bomb.” That always gets a good reaction.

Ok…. what the time there?

8:30 pm.

have you taking your dinner yet?

I won’t eat until midnight or so. It depends on the cats, really.

You dont have kids ?

No. I’m not allowed to keep goats anymore. That whole court case thing again.

i mean do you have kids


Oh! I thought you meant baby goats.


no kids that what i mean

Baby goats are kids.

Especially mine. I dressed them in little hats.

My boss didn’t like it very much when I had to bring one to work, though.

It caused a problem, he said.

I wasn’t a very good waitress anyway.

so you boss dont like kids right


He didn’t like it when Petunia hopped up onto the salad bar.


can i see some of your recent pictures please if you dont mind


Chat Conversation End

Not sure why the conversation ended – she gave exactly what he was asking for!




  1. For the record:

    I’m in Texas. I’m not a Kiwi. I have two cats and a dog. I hate the cats. I wanted to tell him I raised them as livestock for their “tender kitty steaks” but he failed to play along. I live in a subdivision. I’m a writer. I’ve never waitressed. And I’d totally have a pet goat named Petunia if the HOA would let me.

  2. This is SO good…. Thanks for sharing, and thank your friend for letting you share. So good.

  3. It’s a little-known fact that british Germanies are highly afraid of goats, sheep, and most of the Capra genus. You’ve never known fear til you’ve seen the eyes of a british Germany staring into the cold, dead eyes of an ibex.

  4. Best friend ever!

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