Strength : Slightly Off Kilter

Strength is a funny thing… you think you are all out… and then something happens where the only choice is to be strong. At least for a while. And so you do… you just keep swimming… some days it feels like you are treading water and others you are performing magnificent swan dives into the crystal clear blue waters of the Mediterranean.

Strength isn’t about never breaking… it’s about rebuilding after you’ve been broken… and refusing to allow that which broke you to define who you are.

To be clear, I’m not broken right now. I’m good. But I was reflecting on a time when I WAS broken with a friend… and how that shaped who I am today… the person you all have grown to know.

Truth is, you wouldn’t likely recognize me back then. It would be difficult for you to reconcile the person I am with the person I was.

11 years ago I was broken. Completely shattered. I had lost any idea about who I was and could barely get myself out of bed. Thank goodness I had the strength of my family to help me through those darkest of days. I could have elected to remain there in the blackest of blacks and withered but that’s not how my story was to unfold. Slowly, I began to find myself again. It wasn’t easy… and it wasn’t always fun… but growth rarely is.

Fast forward a decade or so, and I’m in the position to face that which previously left me broken. Oh yes all of my old demons are peeking their heads up from time to time… taunting me with their presence as if reminding me that they never left… and giving me the chance to stand strong or crumble.

The stakes are higher this time though… it’s not just me I’m strong for… but my Giant. He’s only 15 and shouldn’t have to face the adult problems that have been thrust upon him. That’s my job as his mother, protector, confidant and yes, sometimes, friend. His only job is to be a teen… to go to school, have his heart broken from time to time, laugh with his friends, make bad choices, fail tests, succeed wildly and to have fun.

The funny thing is… had I not gone through the crap that left me broken before, I wouldn’t be strong enough to face it now. And that’s the thing about being broken… it can give you the strength you never knew you were capable of…

The times when I am weak do not define or limit me… quite the opposite. It is when we are weak that we have a reference for just how strong we truly are.