Sticks and stones will break my bones
But words will never harm me.
It’s what we are taught in elementary school. We sing along and fire it back when people call us names or say hurtful things. We try to teach our children to ignore the taunts and turn the other cheek.
But words matter.
Words are powerful.
For good… and for evil.
We should focus our efforts on teaching our children not to ignore taunts but to speak from a loving place – whether they are directly or indirectly involved in the verbal assault.
Standing by and listening to ugliness without reacting is just as harmful as spewing the evil yourself.
What words are you using… to your friends… your family… your children… yourself.
Do you look in the mirror and see beauty… or do you see all the ugly words that have ever been aimed at you?
Do you see how awesome you are or is that just a façade to build a wall between you and the world so that no one can hurt you again?
The negative sticks so much stronger than the positive. It’s easier to believe.
As children we would launch back
“I’m rubber you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!”
Too bad that wasn’t the case… not always anyway.
Instead we should stand in our truth and speak from the heart.
“It’s not true.”
Believing gives it power. Great power.
We graduate from the elementary taunts and learn firsthand that people can be cruel. We excuse their words in an attempt to diffuse the pain they cause. They’re angry… they’re afraid… they’re just mean.
But what happens when the people who are in our world and are “supposed” to empower us… to protect us… to love us… use the words we tried to ignore.
You’re so stupid.
I can’t believe what an idiot you are.
No one could love you. You are lucky to have me.
Right or wrong these words last longer than those from strangers. This person in your life … in your bed is supposedly the person who knows you best of all. The marks of the abuse are invisible to the public but consume your view in the mirror.
You walk away feeling consumed by the negative to the point where nothing good can seep in through the cracks of your shattered heart.
Time passes.
Strength returns.
You start to see snippits of the good that was once there.
Sometimes.
You meet new people to share your world with.
You realize that you can decide who does and does not get your words.
Your words are more loving and kind than those hurled at you.
You realize that you do NOT want to be rubber to their glue because that would simply make you guilty of negativity. Instead you become a filter. Absorbing their hate and wrapping it in love and light. Absorbing the hate and sending love back out in the world.
You have a choice to fight hate with hate. You could choose to fight hate with love.
Not the romantic all-encompassing kind of love that is reserved for those who have earned it. The love that emminates from every pore of your being, quietly saying “I hear your hate and I choose to play a different game.” The love that won’t allow you to be anything other than who you are to the core of your being. The love that says “I don’t agree with you but I can respect your right to feel that way.”
So many teachers have entered this world to teach us this.
When will we learn?
Words matter.
Well, now you have me crying. My parents raised me to believe that words were living things. They cannot be pulled back. Once they leave your mouth, they exist and you can’t take them back only deal with the consequences. I think that is why I try so hard to be positive. I agree with Ellen the world needs more love.
But guess what? I love you!
🙂
Traci
I love you too Traci. An no tears my love. I appreciate kind words so much more having heard the opposite. That’s why I make a concerted effort to share them.
My son and his friends tell each other “You’re saying that to yourself” when one of them is taunting the other. It’s not quite “you feel inadequate or powerless and so you are trying to torment me with words” but it is close. We’re trying to teach him that there are simply mean and/or mean spirited people in the world, who may try to drag you down by words or deeds, and the answer is to stand tall, and know who you are, not what they say you are.
I love that you teach him this.