Melting hearts and all that mushy stuff

Chivalry isn't deadValentine’s is around the corner.  No literally – it’s this Friday. From here on out, this post is gonna get a bit mushy.  If that is a problem, let’s just skip today’s post and we’ll see ya tomorrow.

I’m a fan of Valentine’s day just like I’m a fan of Christmas… yes both are WILDLY over commercialized but I’m enamored by the spirit behind the holiday.

And for my fellow smart asses, I’m not talking about the Valentine’s Day Massacre of 1929
Nope… I’m talking the mushy-gushy-can’t-get-enough-of-each-other-finding-your-soul-mate-being-swept-completely-off-your-feet-like-in-a-hollywood-Rom-Com kinda sentiment.

Now here’s the thing.  I PRIDE myself on being independent.  I have worked hard to be able to do things on my own without anyone’s help.  I make a decent living… I can cook and clean with the best of them… I can fix plumbing and car issues… I kill spiders and scorpions…  I also know that this can be intimidating.

What many seem to forget is that even though I CAN do all of those things, it doesn’t mean I always WANT to.  It also doesn’t mean that I’m not still a girl…wanting to be courted in that old fashioned chivalry isn’t dead kinda way.

I’m not normal – never claimed to be – but I would hazard to guess that I’m not alone in thinking that there are more like me who would agree.

In the spirit of Valentine’s day, I’m sharing a list of things that I find to be “swoon-worthy”… instead of focusing on how NOT to date.  I’m hoping you’ll join in too with your lists.  Otherwise, I’m just talking to myself.  Don’t have a blog?  That’s cool – Share yours in the comments!
One last warning… After you read this list, your opinion of me may change.  I just believe that wanting off of these things doesn’t make me any less independent.  What can I say?  I’m a contradiction and embrace that.

Chivalry isn’t Dead

(1) Open doors.

Let me be frank.  I know I can open a door.  I further know that any gentleman I’m with ALSO knows I can open doors.  It’s not about that.  I do not feel that a man opening a door for me is stating that I’m inferior in any way.  But… if a gentleman holds the door for me, I feel as though he’s making an effort.  He’s showing me that he is thinking of me and THAT gets extra points every single time.
Holding my chair on the other hand scares me.  It paralyzes me with fear that my klutziness will show.

(2) Call.

I know I’m overly connected – between Facebook, twitter, text, email… the list goes on and on… there’s no shortage of methods to stalk communicate.  And yet… Calling – especially to ask someone out – can cause butterflies.

 In some ways, it’s the 20 seconds of bravery that Benjamin Mee speaks of in We Bought a zoo.  It shows thought.  It shows care.  It shows Respect.

(3) Speak your Mind

I don’t think I can sum up my feelings on this any better than something that was shared on Facebook the other day

Why play games? Just speak your mind. If your date looks pretty, tell her. If you appreciate something? Tell the person. Like someone? Say so. It demonstrates emotional intamacy first of all. It goes right back to “catching the good” I talked about before… and when “good” is recognized, it’s often repeated over and over.

(4) Hold hands

Please understand that I’m not talking about full on make-out sessions… there’s a time and place for that and it’s not in public. Ever. But holding hands… a kiss on the forehead… little things that say She’s Mine and I’m Hers to the whole world? Yes please.

(5) Walk on the “street side”

I know we rarely walk any more… but there’s the idea that “if oncoming traffic were to run you over they’d have to get through me first” and I like that shit. Slay my dragons, keep me safe. Yep. That.

(6) Listen

Actively listen… and remember the things I share. I share because I want to give you a piece of my world. When you don’t listen, I stop sharing. But I tell you things to see if you are the kind of person worthy of me sharing other more important parts of my world with…

(7) Surprise me

It really is the little things that get my heart thumping… little things that say – YES. I’m thinking of you.” Like floweers delivered to the office for no reason at all… ordering my favorite wine at a restaurant for me… bringing me tortilla soup if I’m sick… leaving a note on my windshield… yes, I know some might say CREEPER… I say thoughtful.

(8) Meet my Friends/Parents

I don’t mean on the first date. I don’t even necessarily mean on the 12th date or the 120th date. There’s no timeline but my friends and family are important and if you want to be a part of my life, you will HAVE to interact with both at some point. Even if you don’t like them. And if you don’t want to be part of my life, well, that will be evident as well.

(9) Step out of your comfort zone

I believe that for the most part, opposites attract. It gives us the opportunity to learn to try new things and have new experiences. I get that maybe painting isn’t your thing or dancing or whatever, but showing a willingness to take a class or try something that you wouldn’t normally pick for yourself shows more than any store bought bouquet of roses ever will. Creativity always wins points. And you shouldn’t be afraid to suggest something that is outside of MY comfort zone either… We don’t grow unless we step away from what’s comfortable.

(10) Plan in advance

If EVERY time we are going out we end up having the “what do you want to do tonight” I promise I will get bored and frustrated quickly. I plan and make decisions all day long and while I appreciate being given an opportunity to share my desires, sometimes most of the time I just want you to put forth the effort to have a plan. Not sure? That’s ok – give me choices.


Ok, so what do YOU think?  are these ideas old fashioned?  What did I leave off?  I hope you’ll share with me!

And if you have a Valentine’s day post, Link it up to give me something to read 🙂



  1. Love the list!!

  2. Ordering your favorite wine is one thing, but someone who knows how you take your coffee and prefer your cocktails is also quite nice.

    I wanna link up, but I got nothin’ this time around! Well, I’ve got sentimental, but not romantic.

  3. It’s so hard being a modern woman “of an age”. We worked and pushed ourselves to become independent because we knew we couldn’t rely on someone being there, and then once we have it all figured out, we’re supposed to find a way to incorporate a partner into the chaos and hope that he’s not going to be just another thing we have to handle.

    I think your mushy side is sweet. There are a few men out there who know how to relate to women like us. My husband isn’t one of them, of course, but he’s learning 😉

    Also, interesting side note: walking street-side was, until indoor plumbing, considered the gentler sex’s role, because then it was less likely that she would be hit by people dumping their chamber pots out onto the street. I dunno how they dealt with splashback, though.

    • Interestingly enough, I’m completely ok with the chamber pot dilemma.

      I’m glad you are training your hubs yet well. You and I? We are quite remarkable. It will require remarkable men to appreciate all that we have to offer.

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