What you are about to read is HIGHLY opinionated and fueled by too much coffee (yes, there IS such a thing) and a lack of sleep. You’ve been warned…
****Breaking News**** Life is not fair…
Let me back up… did you see this the other day?
Seriously? So we are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO concerned with our kids getting their “fair share” that we are going to even take over an Easter Egg hunt? Do we not trust our kids enough to allow them to fight for what THEY feel is important? Maybe the kids just want to watch other kids run around and “getting eggs” really isn’t THAT important to them… is that wrong??? Look, maybe I’m wrong, but if a kid wants something, they will find a way to get it… I remember a few months ago, the Oreos were in the top pantry – too high for my youngest to normally reach. (at least that’s the excuse he’s used when there is something I ask him to get and he doesn’t want to) He already knew that I told him he could have some after dinner but I was busy on the phone with my mother (and you know how that goes) so he couldn’t get my attention (bad parenting, perhaps) right that second and was faced with two options… learn patience or figure out a way. Guess what? He figured out a way. My oldest was at a Kickstart competition a few weeks back and after one event, tied for 3rd. After the Tie-breaker round, he came in 4th. My mind started racing to think of ways I could help him improve so that next competition he could place higher… until I asked him how he thought he did. His answer was profound in it’s simplicity.
Me: “So, How do you feel about the competition”
Him: “I had a blast mom! And I did really well. That other boys did a little better than I did so he got a medal, but I still did good”
Me: “No baby – you did great and I was so proud watching you today.”
And I was. Proud… but it also stopped me in my tracks – I’m competitive by nature (duh) so if I had been in the competition, I would have felt bad about not placing – he didn’t. He had fun. My mom talked with him later that day and asked if he felt bad about not getting a medal. His response was PRICELESS:
“Nope – I do it mostly for the exercise. Some of the other kids take it too seriously and they don’t even have fun with it.”
Well played son…
My point? We don’t know what is REALLY important to kids but by swooping in and telling kids what SHOULD be important (i.e. getting an acceptable number of easter eggs) we aren’t letting our kids figure things out on their own…
Then today, I see this:
New York City bans mention of dinosaurs, dancing, birthdays and more on student tests
Ok, does NOBODY think that we’ve taken this who fairness thing too far??? In the article it states that these topics – dinosaurs, dancing, birthdays, Halloween, slavery, poverty, aliens, luxuries, group dancing, junk food, homelessness, witches and more – from the “standardized tests” because they ” fear such topics “could evoke unpleasant emotions in the students.”” Um… ok….
My electric bill in the summer evokes unpleasant emotions in me… So does filing my income tax return. Does that mean that I can ignore it and it no longer exists?
The part I loved was this: “City officials also specified that test makers shouldn’t include items that are potentially “disrespectful to authority or authority figures,” or give human characteristics to animals or inanimate objects” Sorry Mickey Mouse… The city of New York feels that you might cause unpleasant emotions in the students…
Well, not ALL kids grow up like this… I know some of us are still fighting the good fight to be parents… TRUE parents… but sometimes it seems like an uphill battle… and yet, it’s what I signed up for.
My kids will hear no.
My kids will be taught to fight for what they want (even if that means that they are fighting with me – as long as they are fighting with respect – something else I’m doing my damnedest to teach them.)
They will most of all be taught that sometimes, life isn’t fair… but you knew that already didn’t you… because your mother/father/grandmother/responsible guardian gave you the freedom to LEARN it.
These same students are going to grow up someday – or at least get older… They will be the ones running our country and what have we taught them? Don’t like something? Cool, avoid it. Want something? Cool, Mommy and/or daddy will get it for you. Don’t worry about working hard – you should EXPECT that everything will be catered to your individual needs and desires.
At the end of the day, we need to remember that being a parent is a job we should hold as sacred.
My job is not to always make my children “feel better” it is to help them to feel better about themselves…
It is not to “give them the world” it is to empower them to take the world by storm.
It is not to make them happy all the time, it is to teach them to be happy with themselves and to tap into their own inner strength when they want to make a change…and to support them – not do it for them… SUPPORT them in reaching whatever they see as important.
Our job is to love them… accept them… teach them…
Am I wrong? Did I miss something?
If I did… don’t tell me. I wouldn’t want it to evoke any unpleasant emotions.
The whole “everybody deserves the same thing” DRIVES. ME. CRAZY. Before I had kids, our extended family (and there are a lot of us) Easter Hunt developed the rule that each kid got to get 12 eggs. So, once you got your 12 eggs you had to stop. This killed me! I would make fun, “Don’t worry kids, every one that applies for the job will get it” and other not so subtle remarks. You see my point. Luckily by the time my kids came along they were tired of my opinions and once again our Easter Egg hunt is what is should be, friendly competition.
It all started with not keeping score at sporting events… everyone gets a medal… there is NOTHING wrong with a little competition… HELLO – Survival of the fittest and all… we aren’t building self-esteem, we are telling our kids not to fight for what they want… ugh…