Lemonade

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Yesterday was an off day.

Nothing specific but just felt… Off.

Felt a bit of emotional distance from a friend… But did I really or was that just me?

I know that NO ONE’s world and universe revolve around me… not even my kiddos, but there’s still part of me that internalizes everything as though I’m the cause.  This is part of my baggage.

I also had a bajillion things on my mind… Like normal but different somehow. Things I can control… Things I can’t…  Decisions that I need to make… Frustrations that are part of life…

And when that happens, I text my bestie… Well… One of two besties really because I’m lucky enough to have two friends who I can vomit my crazy all over and know that they still love me, but this time I turned to Evin… Because she texted me right when I was mid-crazy tornado.  Lucky girl that she is 🙂

Turns out we were both in a crazy place … And then… I’m reminded WHY she is my bestie as we machine gun style texted back and forth until there are no more words. Agreeing with each other all the while acknowledging possible crazy and offering rational explanations. Well… Considering the company, rational may be a relative term…

This morning I woke up and knew that I could choose to wallow in yesterday’s weird…which I ALSO know will create more of the same because I’m kinda a magnet like that…  OR I could make it a great day. I felt compelled to take a few moments to remember the little things and count my blessings… I’m a big believer in a life lived in gratitude.

Plus, it’s more fun than obsessing about the crap on my brain. AND I know that the obsessing will not improve anything.

The big stuff is easy to be grateful for… Especially with so many of my friends actively advocating for those with less. I’m thankful for the roof and food and clothes…but also thankful for my friends Q and Jupiter who I mostly just know through association but know that they use their voice to speak for those who cannot. These are people who restore my faith in humanity and show me the way through compassion not religion.

I’m grateful for moments where I’m reminded that decisions I make impact others and sometimes I get it right and inspire another human to make a good and healthy choice for their own life.

I’m blessed to have friends who validate my abilities and encourage me to make changes that, while uncomfortable at times, are necessary.  I’m equally blessed to have friends that support my bad decisions as long as I’m unwilling to change.  That’s awesome.

I’m honored to have friends who don’t hide behind the mask of socially acceptable and we all join in and let our freak flags fly.  I’m surrounded by REAL people who aren’t afraid to say and do things that many would hide in shame.

I’m fortunate that in my life, I’ve found not one, not two, but 5 people last count who are like-minded enough to make life interesting and sometimes scary… and countless more who appreciate my weird.

I’m grateful for contradictions.  How else can we appreciate the cold without the hot… the love without the loss?  The negatives help shape me into the person I am today and make me appreciate even more the good that comes my way.  And when I get a message or see something from one of those pasts, I’m reminded just how far I’ve come.  This is a beautiful thing.

I’m thankful for mundane.  While I appreciate the grand gestures in life, it’s really all about the little things.  Lose sight of the small “happies” in your world and you’ll miss the grand gestures too.    Plus, I learned a long time ago – or perhaps I always knew – that if you fail to take pleasure in the little things, no gesture will ever be grand enough.  You’ll always be left wanting more.

I’m appreciative of passion that my friends have… whether for their hobby or their family or for something they recently learned.  Passion is infectious and it’s wonderful to be surrounded by passionate people when you’ve lost yours.  It’s contagious.

I’m grateful for my tribe.  My People.  The ones I can vent to without judgement… well, we’re women, mostly, so there’s judgement but it’s behind my back and all in good fun… but in reality? Having people who have my back when it really counts?  That shit matters.

I’m thankful for a new employee who makes me laugh so hard TEARS come to my eyes.  She’s awesome and wonderful and quirky and gets me.

I’m thankful for so much and could go on and on and on… Quite frankly, I thought when I woke up this morning it would be a short post.  Funny how that happens.