It makes me sad when I hear about someone near me going through a heartbreaking ordeal…

Everything will be ok | Slightly Off KilterOr when I see a friend share on Facebook that they are shouldering a burden… With or without details, they request prayers, love, light…

Or when a friend tells me her relationship has broken past the point of repair and a new chapter is starting.  A scary chapter… one that has many unanswered questions and fears associated with it…

The fixer in me wants to wave my magic wand and show them the picture of what everything looks like when it’s all said and done… An attempt to give them relief from the sadness or anger or confusion I suppose.

I’ve known the darkness. I lived there. Lucky for me, that is past tense. Unfortunately it also means that I know that in the midst of the anger or denial, my words would likely fall on deaf ears.  I couldn’t listen either… It’s ok.  We hear when we are ready…

Are you familiar with the Japanese Art – Kintsukuori?  It is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver and the understanding that the piece is made more beautiful for having been broken.

We are made more beautiful by having been broken

We’re all a little broken… some more than others perhaps… and when you are that broken, it can be hard to pick up the pieces.

Especially when you feel like there has been so much damage already done that you can’t figure out how the pieces fit together any more.

When you are left shattered and can’t believe that you will be anything but.

Especially when the darkness is overwhelming.

Especially when the anger is so thick you can taste it.

Especially when you fear that by putting the pieces back together somewhere along the way you become vulnerable again… which means that you could again splinter against the rocks that life throws in your path at any moment.

Sometimes it might even seem easier to just stay shattered.

You might build walls… Sheltering yourself from the pain, telling yourself nothing is worth the anguish… becoming cynical and hardened to life’s joys.

You might push friends and lovers away to prevent anyone from being close enough to hurt… not even realizing the bliss that you are denying yourself.

You might have a hard time believing that anyone would treasure what someone else threw away…

You may go into a spiral of self doubt… No longer believing that “good” is what you deserve and instead believing that the shitstorm you’re traveling through is EXACTLY your lot in life.

You struggle to see how shattered fragments can be appreciated in ways that the complete piece never was…

You struggle to understand how a shattered world could somehow be the exact thing you needed to rebuild.

You don’t realize it right away, but the crap had to move out of the way to let the blessing through.

You may become impatient that the blessings don’t follow your time table.

You follow arbitrary “rules” thinking that if I just walk this fine line of predetermined actions, the advice of magazines and blog posts…  there won’t be a chance for being shattered again…

And then…

Somewhere in the future…

Today… Tomorrow… Next month… Next year…

You start to see the glimmer of something… completely unreasonable.

Something different and real…

Something that makes all of your shards make sense.

Something that makes all the chaos and confusion clear and orderly in hindsight.

Something that smiles softly and holds your hand as you cross the street.

Allowing yourself to feel.

To Breathe.

To Believe.

To Hope.

That another person might step in and translate everything in such a way that it all makes sense.

Or perhaps you’ll find your strength within.

Knowing without doubt that you are exactly where you were meant to be.

That someone else might speak your language and you are not alone.

That friends and lovers will look with adoration that even you can’t always understand.

Still terrified that you might break again… you should take chances.

Know that you are stronger for having broken.

This time, you will soar higher than you ever imagined even possible.

Don’t turn away.  You deserve the good.  You just had to go through the crap to get there. It’s just fertilizer to help your roses grow.



  1. This is a lovely post and I’m bookmarking it so that I can share it when friends and loved ones fall into this pit. Youve eloquently stated a Truth and I’m even more grateful for being able to call you friend.

  2. I’m not in a place right now where I need this reminder, but I am 100% that someone is going to come across it who really needs to read it. Thanks for putting it out there for that person.

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