Job #1 – Being a Parent

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and gratifying experiences ever.  At least in my opinion.  It’s also one of the hardest at times.  There’s no instruction manual.  I mean, there are tons of people who have published their opinions but there’s no one right way to be a parent…is there?  And, being humans means that even when we do what is “right” the outcome may still surprise us.  It’s not like playing in the kitchen… I mean, I know, without a shadow of a doubt that if I put cream in my mixer and whip it enough it turns into whipped cream.  Too long and it turns to butter.  It’s happened exactly the same way time and time again so I take it as fact.  But when it comes to my kids… every day is an adventure.  The boy who once LOVED spinach, may suddenly decide to gag when presented with a spinach salad.  The boy who yesterday was shy and afraid, today may become fearless.  NOTHING can be taken as fact.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about my role as mom…Been discussing it with friends – new and old friends – and am convinced that I have the answer… for me.  (it may not be the answer for you and that’s ok too)  My job as mom is to

LOVE them.

Every part of them.  I don’t always have to like their actions, but I ALWAYS love them. And perhaps even more importantly, make sure they FEEL loved so that they may always remember to love themselves.


From others… from themselves… from regret.  That means that sometimes I AM meanest mommy on the block and other times I stand idly by while they make bad decisions and scrape their knees so that they can learn for themselves what is and isn’t a good idea…within reason

TEACH them.

I’m raising gentlemen.  Pure and simple.  I’m sharing with them the lost art of chivalry and already my boys are accustomed to opening doors and being polite.  They will know how to have respect for themselves as well as others in their life.  Their future wives will someday thank me.

Why am I babbling about this?  Simple.  Lately 2 things have been thrown in my face and have offended me to my core.  I’m angry.  I’m BEYOND angry.  And both situations offend my beliefs as a parent.  The first was from a friend on facebook and I will get to that in a second.  The second is the Controversial Georgia Anti-Obesity Ad Campaign.  I’m not going to get on my soap box here – you can read about that over at Owning Pink where I first heard about it from the gorgeous and talented AspiringMama.  It was also written about over at Mamavation – a group dedicated to fighting obesity one FAMILY at a time.  You don’t need my words for the outrage – make your own judgements as you see fit.

No, I’m writing because, like I said, something I saw on facebook REALLY struck a nerve.  A dear friend of mine (and I didn’t ask her permission so no names will be used – thanks for understanding) whom I’ve known for the better part of 25+ years (my math may be off… it feels like FOREVER and I’m a better person because of her) has an amazing, talented, gorgeous daughter.  Said daughter also had a boyfriend.  (OMG are we really old enough for our kids to start dating?) What inflamed me was hearing that the boyfriend’s mother told him he should “Break up with her because she is a slut.”

have you picked up your jaw yet?

Let’s get the obvious out of the way first.  The girl in the scenario has kissed this boy but nothing else.  There are no racy pictures or questionable emails/texts/etc.  So first and foremost, this sweet girl is NOT a slut.  BUT that aside, Are you freakin SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?! What MOTHER says that to their CHILD?  (don’t even get me started on the fact that the mother pretended to be friends with my friend and WOW… two-faced much?)

I haven’t hit the dating pool yet with my boys… In fact I may have breathed an audible sigh of relief  when my mom asked the eldest if there were any girls he liked and he responded with “Nana, I’m too busy for girls.  I have school and band, and swim team and kick start.  There will be time for girls later.”  But I don’t care how much I disliked a young lady, I would never dare to resort to derogatory name calling!  Ok, I might when I’m out with MY girlfriends and have had a drink or two too many but NOT to my KIDS!

I’m really not a fan of name calling in any context but this mother is setting the example that you don’t have to respect others.  She’s definitely not respecting her son by telling him who he should and should not “date” (seriously people, we are talking about MIDDLE SCHOOL).  She’s not expressing love with those hateful words.  And she’s not teaching him to make his own decisions. And I’m sure she’s not alone.  I’m saddened by this whole scenerio.  And what do I say to my friend?  for once I’m at a loss for words.  Do any of you have thoughts on this subject?

In the meantime, all I can do is focus on my boys and continue to love them…teach them… and respect them.



  1. Well, first of all, I follow the exact same parenting philosophies as you!! Secondly, I have learned as I get older that I will never cease to be amazed by the true nature of people in the world today. There are just things you don’t do and say, ESPECIALLY TO YOUR CHILDREN!!! We should be their greatest filter from hearing things like that, not showing them the path to hateful behaviors. You can’t say much, to each their own, but I would say you now have a new perspective of this person.

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