Filters are for wusses

Had a conversation the other day with someone I respect and we were talking about masks.

The masks that people wear and how that makes dating less fun than it should be. I mean think about it, you get to know this charming person who says and does all the right things and you start to fall a little … And then… The mask comes off and you’re like

DAFUQ just happened here?!?

Or maybe you feel like you have to wear the mask… Saying and doing all the right things all of the time is EXHAUSTING. I should know… Been there. Done that.

And not just in romantic relationships, but with friends too.

What if there was a better way? What if you liked and believed in yourself enough that it TRULY didn’t matter what others thought…?

What if you surrounded yourself with people who accepted you – faults and all- just as you are?

What if you could spew a steady stream of consciousness and NOT scare everyone away?

Last night I picked up a book again. Not just any book because I have 3 that I’m currently reading right now depending on my mood. This 4th book is one I read before and then set it aside.

I wasn’t ready for it I guess because as I read it now, the words jumped off the page and it all made sense.

The book-
The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz

And to tackle all of it at once would be too much. So let’s chat about the first agreement.


Be impeccable with your word… To others and yourself… But is it not just our words but also our actions that speak for us?

Before I go any further…

…and I know… We soften the blow with things like “for what it’s worth” or “in my opinion” but that’s just a bullshit cop out for saying something you know could be taken as cruel.

Be impeccable with your word.

To yourself and others.

Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want broadcast in Times Square. Don’t silence the still small voice warning you when something is amiss… Be kinder to yourself and others. Mostly yourself.

Truth. And. Love.

What if we told our partner, parent, child, ex, lover, friend – “This is exactly what I’m feeling and this is what I need from you”? What if we didn’t feel needy for expressing what we needed?

What if our partner, parent, child, ex, lover, friend embraced that statement and then could decide whether or not they could provide? Without judgement or fear. What if then decisions could be made about next steps because both parties have a clearer understanding of what the situation truly is instead of each making assumptions!

I’m lucky. I have many people in both my online circles and my real life circles who trust me enough to remove their masks. They know who they are and enrich my world daily.

I read a post from a dear friend today that is similar in nature. Rachel talks today about living an unedited life in today’s post. I love this.

I guess what I’m wondering is this… There will always be some editing I do. For work (most of the time) or in professional situations… Around my parents’ friends I play along… But everywhere else? Everywhere real?

I think Lena Dunham sums it up quite nicely


So my question to you… Why are you still wearing a mask?



  1. This sounds like a book I should read. I am trying to be better about speaking up, saying what’s on my mind, and getting out of my head a little more often. It is not easy. It is so much easier to stay in my head, be quiet, and go on with the status quo. For someone who’d rather not ever rock the boat, it’s not easy to always be authentic.

  2. Love you! Love this post!
    Totes going to be reading that book!

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