Before we judge…

I wasn’t going to post today.  There’s a lot of hate out there and it’s troubling to me.  

There are the riots in Baltimore… and many who are more passionate than I are talking about both sides of the fence.

And as a byproduct, there’s also that video of the mom who saw her kid on TV in the midst of the riots and drug him out, smacking him upside the head to the scorn and praise of many.

And then there’s hatred close to home.  like… REAL close… and my giant and I are learning how to deal with such violent anger that it overwhelms and takes over.

Hate can do that. So can fear. That’s the scary thing.  Hate and fear grip us tight and prevent us from thinking clearly.  The hunger for revenge/retribution/vindication takes over and becomes primal.  And when you are dealing with an angry person who knows no other way than to resort to violence to express that anger… that’s scary.  Whether it is scary to watch in a far away city with perfect strangers, or your own child.

For me, it brings back flashes of a life before…

Before I sought counseling to deal with my demons.

Before I escaped an abusive relationship and toxic household.

Before I took care of me and became the woman I am today.

It takes a lot of work to rebuild after being broken.  It was never easy but I was lucky.  I had a loving and safe home where I was free to heal at my own pace.  I had my loving mother who prodded when she needed to and stepped back to let me test my own wings.  I had professionals who recognized the things that I thought were normal and helped me to see them in a different light so that I could come to terms with them.  

I was broken but I rebuilt.

There’s a lot of that in the world today.  Broken.  

Broken to believe that you had to resort to hate to battle hatred.  

Broken to believe that I was powerless.

Broken to believe that I deserved the anger directed at me.

And now I know what my mom went through – helpless and afraid – as she watched me slowly rebuild.  My giant is in my old shoes and together we get to take this journey.  Again it’s hard.  And painful.  Giant has to look at things he’s not yet ready to see… and I have to be patient and remember where I once was.

We’re lucky to have each other through this.  I’m better prepared to help him grow because I understand the anger and hatred he’s fighting his way through… the darkness he’s breaking free from and just how dim and far away the light seems.  Because I understand, it is easier to forgive… him and myself… it is easier to understand his choices… it is easier to explain things so that he can understand what he’s going through.  It’s harder though because I can’t do it for him… it has to be his choice.  I can forgive.  I can understand.  I can love.

And that is really what this world needs more of.  Forgiveness … understanding… love.


To the mother in Baltimore… I have no opinion on your actions because I haven’t walked in your shoes. I have no way of knowing if you were a scared mom trying to prevent her son from making life altering choices… If so, I can understand that.  

I don’t know if you were at your wits end having dealt with these types of outbursts before or shocked that a child who hadn’t previously acted in this way was putting himself in harms way.  

I don’t know what life is like at home to know if this was a normal mode of discipline or a new occurrence out of fear/frustration/anger.  

I can’t speak to whether or not you did the right thing but I do know,  you did what you felt was best for your son in that moment and for that and that alone, I applaud you.

We can’t know what leads anyone to make the choices they make.  All we control is our actions anyway.  Our Actions and our Choices.  So before I judge my giant for his struggles, or how the mother in Baltimore handled her situation, I have to remember that what the world needs more of is forgiveness, understanding and love.  There’s enough judgement out there and I don’t need to add to that.


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