It’s no secret that I’ve been distant lately. I’ve been avoiding my blog and twitter and facebook and mostly just hiding out while I figure things out. It’s a process. And not an easy one.
I feel as though I owe you all an explanation so that you do not continue to worry about me. I know I’m usually so involved with my online community that my distance must be weird- it’s definitely weird for me. I also know that an explanation may be judged by some of my readers but honesty is therapeutic. When you ignore feelings you are having and push them down deep, they fester. This is my safe place and if you don’t like what I have to stay, feel free to stop reading. you have that right.
You know how an oyster makes a pearl? {disclaimer – I ‘m not a scientist so this is my ordinary person’s view on what happens… bear with me} A tiny speck of sand or shell or some other foreign object enters into the stomach of the oyster. This irritant causes the oyster so much pain and discomfort that it starts layering the object with a coating to smooth it out. over time, the layers become more plentiful and when enough time has passed, something beautiful emerges from the irritant.
It’s the image that I’ve been hanging on to for the last week or so. We all have different chapters in life, right? We have our childhood chapter… our tumultuous teen chapters (those probably make for fun reading)… we have the chapters for other relationships along the way that may or may not result in marriage and children. We have different experiences and sometimes when they end it is a happy time – graduation, college, etc. Sometimes when they end it can be devastating. Unfortunately, it has become abundantly clear to me that the latest chapter in my life is closing. I’m not going to use this blog to publicly blast the other women involved. I’m not going to attack the man I’ve shared the last 5 years of hopes and dreams with…the truth of the matter is that I wish only the best for him and the others. I know some of you are judging me right now if you’ve been able to figure out what I’m hinting at without coming out and saying it. Know this – it serves no purpose to harbor resentment or anger because those would cause me harm too. Instead I choose to look forward. I have no idea what the future holds for me but I look at this as an exciting time for all involved. I know that out of all the pain and irritation, a pearl will emerge.
Right now, through all of the uncertainty – which by the way is both exciting and terrifying all at the same time for reasons I will not share here – I am focused on the things I CAN control. Being a bit of a control freak, it’s what gets me through the day. So what CAN I control? I can focus taking care of me. I can focus on setting a strong example for my kids and I can focus on continuing my path to healthy living.
One of the ways I do that is to pay close attention to what I eat and drink – more now than ever because emotional eating is something I’ve always struggled with. A few constants are helping me with that. The first is the amazing Mamavation community. you women are remarkable and amazing and your love and support is appreciated beyond measure. I truly feel like I’m not alone as I begin the new chapter. For those not aware, Mamavation is a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I have never in my life met a more supportive group of remarkable people.
The other is the Brita Challenge in which I pledged to drink between 8-10 glasses of water a day. It’s a totally attainable goal and I know that if I am going to get my water in, which is a huge part of taking care of me, this holds me accountable. You can find out more about the if you are interested in taking a small step to reclaiming your health and well being.
Maybe it’s small and insignificant to you, but sometimes, focusing on the small stuff makes the big stuff easier to swallow. I assure you all that I am fine. (and by FINE – I don’t mean Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional… well, maybe a bit emotional). I am strong and I know this. I also know that whatever the Hubs and I are going through, we will make it through like adults and as friends. Most of all, I know that I’m never alone with the love and support from you. Thank you for allowing me to vent and share. Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for your never-ending love and adoration.
If you have more questions, I’m happy to answer. The shock and sting has passed and I’m comfortable sharing with those who wish to know more. This just isn’t the forum for it, so leave me your support in the comments below. Send me your questions or criticisms privately via email. It’s all I ask.
Shelley I am sorry that you are going through this and no one is judging your. I have been in your shoes a few years ago, so i understand that sometimes you just need time to yourself while starting a new chapter in your life. But like i said i was in your shoes once and it takes time one day at a time and I can honestly tell you that there is a lot of sunshine after the rain. have a great day.
You will make a beautiful pearl out of this experience.
I am so sorry that you may be hurting, but you have a good head one your shoulders and whatever this is, you will make it through.
No one should be judging you whatever it may be.
You are absolutely never alone, ever. You are an amazing person , and any random stranger could see that from the comments others have left alone. You, and all those involved, are in my thoughts and prayers – I hope you are able to keep this positive attitude throughout all the difficulties, hun, and if at any time, you’re feeling down, reach out, to me, to any of us.
Love you!
Sometimes we just need to live minute to minute, hour to hour so we can make it to the next day. I know what it means to be FINE. While my situation was nothing like yours, I didn’t share it with many people until years later. It wasn’t something very visible. Yours, it seems, can easily be played out in public if you let it.
So, control what you can and let go of what you can not. You can’t be responsible for another adult’s behavior and choices. But that doesn’t mean you give up on YOU. All of us Mamavation gals might be here to offer support, but only YOU can willingly accept it. Only you can stare down that pint of Ice Cream calling your name and tell it you don’t need that kind of love.
All of life is a rollercoaster, you’re just on the really bumpy part now. Hang in there, you’ll get to the downhill soon enough and you’ll be able to yell ‘Weeeeeee!’ and feel the exhilaration.
Be well!
When I think of you, I think of STRENGTH, BEAUTY, and Unconditional SUPPORT!!! You have been a ROCK for me and MANY!!! Allow US to be a source of STRENGTH for YOU!!! Whatever YOU NEED, I’m HERE!!! #NoQuestionsAsked Hugs
Oh my beautiful friend, if anyone even tries to judge you, I will kick their asses and I have power tools now to do it with besides my foot. I have missed you so much and love you even more. You and I are two of a kind, we’ve both said it. Know that this half is here to hug you and love you and make ooey gooey faces at you if it will put a smile on your face. Seriously, honey, I’m here. You know my number. Please don’t hesitate to use it. Friends are friends in the rough and the tumble too. *hugs*
I love you for reals! I am so sorry you are going through this but you will get through it! My advice is turn to God. He can fill that hole that now occupies your heart like no other can. I am always here even if I don’t seem to be. Please let me know if I can do anything. You are constantly in my prayers
You are amazing and talented — and I’m so glad that I can call you a friend. I don’t know what’s going on – but I can only hope that you are healing and that you will come through this like the pearl you are!
((HUGS))
HUGS!!! You are strong and you will make it through this. Yes, control what you can, and move on from the rest. Be the bigger person and hold your head high with integrity. You are awesome and I hope you never forget that!!
Big hugs darling!
You know, I always love getting to a new chapter in a good book… so many possibilities, plot turns and twists to explore, adventures to enjoy. I have a feeling this is going to be a great chapter. One that will be about you and will show you how many people out there IRL and online love and support you.
So, here is my list… the things I love about you:
1. your awesome pedicures! You put my tootsies to shame.
2. your surprise phone calls in the middle of the day. Yeah, even the “reminders”. 🙂
3. your support for everyone in Mamavation and the handling of all things in the Sistahood
4. your Texan honesty
5. your reactions on camera during Mamavation TV… oh, yeah! Those chuckles and shocked faces.
6. your strength in situations like this make me glad to know you.
…and I am sure I could go on and on. I have a feeling if I had met you IRL I would add hugs to the list. You just look and act like a fabulous hugger!
Have a good week. You are in my thoughts.
u know you have my love support. Wishing you to stay strong and move with your head up. XO
I love you to pieces, Shelly. And that’s not going to ever change. Mamavation and myself are going to love and support you no matter what.
Well, I’m definitely not judging you. I love you and we will see you through this. I promise. I’m very impressed you shared this all with us because you didn’t have to, but you love us all enough to stop us from worrying.
Anyone who publicly gives you shit for this has my permission to leave. We don’t do that here.
XXOO
You know it’s hard to comment on your blog while your texting me lol… But Shelly my beautiful Strong big sister I love you sooo much and you know I got your back jack. You will make it through this because remember you are a BOOKIEBOO BADASS AND GRUNTSTYLE STRONG and I’d so #cutabitch anytime for you. You have taken the high road through this difficult chapter and I am so proud of you for how you handle it you truly are the “HANDLER” I pink puffy & sparkle heart love you
BIG HUGE HUGS!!! I think you are amazing and strong and such an incredible inspiration. We all love you and will support you to the ends of the earth.
You are such a motivating and supportive person! Although I don’t know exactly what has been going on with you, I can see that you are handling it with strength and dignity.
I hope the best for you in your next chapter. I know I have not been a Sista long but I am here for you if you need to talk/vent.
Sending supportive vibes your way. You are an amazing woman and you deserve great things!