Be Real…

It’s taken me all day to carve out enough time to write this post, but in truth it all started with an innocent conversation with a friend last night.  He was sharing how he had a friend going through a tough situation and how he felt honored that the friend leaned on him for support, but felt like a bumbling idiot.  That thought has been weighing on my mind since then and I find myself wondering when did our best not be good enough?  Why do we strive to be perfect in all situations?

Ironically, today’s prompt for the Blog every day in May Challenge (that I am CLEARLY not perfect at since I’ve already missed a few days) was a piece of advice for others…

Y’all know me… I’m a fountain of useless advice that even I don’t follow… but this one, this one thing I try to stick with.

It’s simple really –

Be REAL.

Unfortunately, we are inundated with messages every single day that tell us that being real isn’t what we shoudl aim for – we should fit someone else’s image of beauty… or intelligence… or tolerance.

Screw it!  Be REAL.

But how?  We’ve been taught to be someone else’s idea of perfect for so long, perhaps we don’t even remember what REAL is…

Lucky for you, I like lists. (I also like Bees… not the kind that sting, but the cartoon versions so yeah, I’m running with that theme too.  Deal with it.)

~~ Bee Unique ~~

My son has this outfit that no – I don’t have pictures of it because it’s kinda hideous… Yellow Burmuda Shorts, GOLD polo.  ’nuff said, right?  (I assure you this was his Father’s doing) The thing though about this outfit?  He LOVES it.  And just because I think it looks horrendous, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel great in it.  So Rock that Yellow Banana looking outfit and do it with pride my son.

My point is that you should do what makes you feel good from the clothes you wear to the way you walk to whatever it is.  REGARDLESS of what others tell you… And for the record, I’ve been remarkably good at holding my tongue when I see him in it….usually… unless I know we’ll be somewhere where pictures are involved… then I might suggest something that doesn’t make me want to gouge my eyeballs out.  

~~ Bee Imperfect ~~

I touched on this on my last post about my favorite quote but seriously, perfection is boring… and unsustainable.

My friend last night – I said something about how I’m sure it made his friend feel better to have his support during this trying time and he responded that he felt like a bumbling idiot.  That’s when this gem flew from my fingers in a mad fury:

“Sometimes when we are bumbling idiots, we are the most real.  People appreciate real.  They crave real in a world of insincerity.”

Sometimes, I feel quite brilliant…

Bumbling sincerity is far better than perfect absence.

~~ Bee Free ~~

Free of toxic people… Free of the emotional vampires.  You’ve seen them.  They fill your world up so much that you can’t breath anymore and it feels like you are trapped in quicksand.  Remove them from your life and put your emotional health first.  I also realize that not all are easily removed… make a plan.  Set boundaries.  Believe that you are worth it.  Get help when you need it.

~~ Bee Vulnerable ~~

This is a hard one… for me at least… for when we are vulnerable… we can get hurt.  and getting hurt sucks.  But…. when we aren’t vulnerable with those who have earned our trust, we miss out on something amazing.

Do you remember the movie The Replacements?  Gene Hackman?  Keanu Reeves? There’s that scene where Gene asks the players what they are afraid of… “A real man admits his fears. That’s what I’m asking you to do here tonight. Fears… lets talk about them.” They start off with superficial stuff like spiders… but what Gene’s character was really trying to get was the underlying fears that guide their actions on the field… and in life.  What they are afraid of makes them hesitate.

While it’s just a scene in a movie, it’s true in life too.  We get hurt in a past relationship – romantic or otherwise- so we build walls. We don’t let people in.  We try to be Superman/Superwoman. and at the end of the day we carry around so much that no one knows about, we are exhausted.

~~ Bee a Friend ~~

I feel blessed.  I have several friends who I don’t have to have a filter with.  I can speak whatever un-pc, controversial thing I want.  I can rant and rave about crap that happens without worrying about what they will think of me.  And trust me… I do…. rant and rave I mean.

They let me vent about crap they could care less about.  They let me create a verbal tapestry of colorful profanity that would make a seasoned sailor blush.  They sit next to me and play Candy Crush when there aren’t any words left.

I like to think that these friends would say the same about me. Together – we are real.  We may put on our masks for the rest of the world, but when we are together, we get to be real.  That is priceless and I hope you all have that kind of bond.

~~ Bee You ~~~

Most of all, Be whatever you want to be.  Ignore every last one of these tips if they don’t suit you.  I’m ok with that.  Listen to your instincts and follow your heart.

In my experience it rarely steers us wrong.